You return from your two-week vacation to discover piles of delivery boxes clogging your front doorway. Sorting through them, you realize that Amazon's anticipatory shipping system has been sending drones laden with pseudoephedrine cold medicine, lighter fluid, cold packs, lithium batteries and other meth-cooking paraphernalia. But this lame excuse for a "Breaking Bad" episode is the least of your problems, as you discover when an alphabet soup of federal agents storms in a moment later.
They're still arguing jurisdiction as your head hits the hood. Should the Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco, Firearms and Explosives get you for the illegal drugs and banned weapons you've been ordering through the deep Web? Or should the FBI's domestic terror task force get first crack? And why is the National Security Agency just sitting in that van across the street?
From their questions, you piece together that someone has been using the free processing time on your idle network of household devices and appliances to mine bitcoins. They've then used your poorly secured WiFi to turn your home into a dead drop for drugs, guns and bomb-making materials. Don't worry -- it will be sorted out in a year or two.